


The Seven Year Itch

by Janusa



Series: Happily Ever After [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (she caused them anyway), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Camille wasn't trying to cause problems in this one, Implications of abusive childhood, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marital Problems, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-03-29 20:03:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13934304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janusa/pseuds/Janusa
Summary: Divorce wasn’t total madness if Alec was being honest with himself. Their relationship had been on the edge since long ago. Both, Alec and Magnus’s jobs were demanding. They fought more than they actually talked.Maybe they didn't know each other enough or they married too soon.Therapy might be the answer if they were going to try to save their marriage.Were they really trying, though?Love or dedication, what is harder to retrieve?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the most amazing and patient beta in this world; [Lillithorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillithorn)
> 
> Now, this fic is already finished (or the first part of this series at least), chapter two will be up tomorrow. Enjoy the reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off Lecrit's prompt.

 

"If you

were married to yourself

could you stay with yourself?

My house

would be frightening and wild."

 

Yrsa Daley-Ward, Bone.

 

All Alec could hear at that moment was a whistling sound, similar to a vital sign monitor indicating someone’s life has ended.

It was not far from the truth, Alec felt his heart stopping.

“What?” His voice came out strangled.

“I think we should divorce,” Magnus repeated.

Alec’s heart had officially stopped.

Alec tried to read Magnus’s expression or the emotions behind his voice, but he failed. Right now, the man sitting on the other side of the bed was not Magnus, his husband; he was Magnus Bane, the implacable businessman, able to close any deal.

Alec went speechless, his brain trying to find a different meaning to Magnus’s words. His mind disconnected from the present for god knew how much time. By the time Alec blinked again, back to the present,  Magnus was completely dressed and ready for work, hair styled and subtle eyeliner on his lids. Alec couldn’t even bring himself to appreciate how handsome Magnus looked in his new midnight blue suit.

Magnus was standing in front of the full-length mirror in a corner of their bedroom. He was fixing his tie, even though it was perfectly tied and in place, it was just one of his nervous ticks.

They crossed gazes through the mirror, it was brief but Alec thought he saw hesitation and fear dancing in the eyes of the man he’s been married to for almost ten years.

“We’ll talk tonight,” Magnus said before turning on his heels and closing the bedroom door behind him.

Alec let himself fall onto the mattress and breathed heavily.

He closed his eyes, pressing his palms to his face, wishing more than ever to be able to disappear.

How had they got to this point?

His mind crawled back to last night, however, Alec couldn’t find anything that had made Magnus say those words.

They weren’t in their best moment. Alec could admit that much, but they weren’t at their worst either. Last night had been one of those -now uncommon- peaceful nights; they had both come from work relatively early and had dinner together. They even had watched a movie before going to bed.

If Alec thought about it, it had been a fairly good night.

 

 

Alec got to the precinct late and without his morning coffee, so he had to drink the insipid, instant coffee Simon always bought. He went to his office, with Simon’s coffee mug in hand, the one with Darth Vader’s face in it and the phrase _‘Who’s your daddy?’_ It was a ridiculous mug but it was better than using his own, one of Magnus’s many presents, custom painted with _‘My husband has an awesome husband.’_ It would be like having his coffee laugh at him.

When Alec opened the door, he found his partner already waiting for him.

“You look like shit,” said Maia, closing the file in her hands and dropping it over his desk. “What happened?”

Alec rolled his eyes and bypassed her to take his chair, he didn’t need Maia stating the obvious.

“Nothing. What we got?” Alec asked briskly. Maia didn’t insist on the topic, instead, she just arched an eyebrow and pushed the file towards him.

“Murder, clerk, white man in his fifties. The body was found in a hotel by the maid service.” Maia listed as Alec wandered his eyes through the file, stopping to stare at the photos of the body.

“Multiple stabs,” Alec mused, letting the facts and the information about the life of this dead man fill his head. “What do you say, Mrs. or mistress?”

This was one of the things they liked to do when they caught a case that practically solved itself. They would guess who was the perpetrator and the loser had to pay for the drinks at Hunter’s Moon.

Maia shrugged, “I say both.”

“Well, let’s find out,” said Alec, standing up from his chair and moving towards the interrogation room with Maia leading the way.

 

 

“Drinks tomorrow?” Asked Alec, putting his jacket on, ready to leave.

“Sure. Don’t you think I’ll forget it this time.”

Alec almost laughed at that. Maia will never let go the one time Alec breached their unspoken agreement.

“You want a ride?”

“Sure.” Alec didn’t feel like making his way back home on the subway at this time when it was incredibly crowded. He didn’t need more noise drilling his head than the one already there reminding him of tonight, of the talk with Magnus that he wouldn’t be able to avoid.

The car stopped to a halt, Alec hadn’t realized the moment when Maia had started the engine.

They were parked in front of his building, Alec dared to look up out of the window and he thought he saw the lights of the loft on.

“Tell me what is wrong or we’ll be here all night,” she demanded after ten minutes had passed and Alec gave no signs of leaving the car.

Alec saw in her eyes that he could disregard her question if he didn’t feel ready to talk.

She continued, “you’ve been off all day. This is not you being grumpy ‘cause you missed the subway or your mom called to have dinner, this is something else.”

Alec sighed. Of course, Maia had noticed, she was one of the best detectives of their department, after all, and excellent at reading people. Besides she had known Alec long enough to tell when something was wrong.

“Magnus asked me for a divorce.” Alec said in a low voice, looking through the windshield, the street was almost deserted but he kept his eyes on the front. He would have doubted Maia heard him if it weren’t for her gasp.

Maia sounded genuinely baffled when she asked: “What? When?”

Alec bit the interior of his cheek before talking. “This morning.”

He focused on a woman on her cell phone on the sidewalk to avoid looking at Maia.

“I thought you were fine. Something happened or…?”

Alec shook his head, interrupting her mid-sentence.

“That’s the strange thing. We were fine, nothing happened.”

And there, without knowing it, Alec had the answer.

“Why don’t you take a vacation? Leave the city, no work, no nosy parents,” Maia suggested.

“No, that’s not an option. We tried it once, remember? The cruise.”

They had gone on a cruise for their eighth anniversary; they were having troubles, it was hard to see each other. After a year of relentless work for both of them, the long meetings, travels and extra hours started to take their toll. It was amazing for the time it lasted and even a month after it. They laughed, and they had sex (lots of sex) and there was again something to talk about.

What happened then? Life caught them.

“Work and nosy parents will be here when we come back, at the end nothing changes.” Running away hadn’t fixed the problem. It just gave them fuel enough to keep going a little more. “You can’t tell anyone, not even Simon.”

“Who do you think you are talking to?” Maia asked him, a little offended.

“Someone who has communication with her partner,” tried Alec. “But seriously, you can’t tell Simon because then he’ll tell Clary and that only means Izzy would know too, and I don’t want to ruin her honeymoon.”

“Clary is pretty much Simon’s sister. Don’t you think he would keep his mouth shut for the same reason? What is your plan, anyway, not telling anyone until the next family meeting?

“Of course not, Maia.”  Alec huffed.

“So?”

“I’m gonna fix this.”

“Alec, _this_ is your marriage, not a broken chair.”

Alec sighed and covered his face with his hands and his voice came muffled from between his hands.

“I know but I have to try.”

“You should talk.”

“We’ll do it tonight.” said Alec, uncovering his face.

“With a professional, I mean.”

Alec did look at Maia this time and furrowed his brow. “I don’t think Magnus would like the idea.”

“Do you want to save your marriage or what?”

Save? Alec didn’t like that word, it implied he was losing something or someone. Magnus in this case.

 

 

Magnus was in a bad mood that morning, he didn’t even answer Dot’s greeting -his receptionist- when he arrived at his office. Well, it was hard to be in a particularly cheerful state after proposing to your husband to get a divorce.

Magnus had thought that feeling that way had been because of work, that he was too stressed, too drained so he couldn’t think nor feel with clarity, but yesterday had been a good day. Magnus finally had solved an issue with a delayed shipment to India, and all the other shipments were en route or scheduled. There were no meetings until next week and paperwork was abreast, hence he could leave a few hours earlier than other days.

When Alec arrived at the loft, about an hour after Magnus, Magnus had expected their night together to be different.

When they were having dinner, Chinese takeout from their favorite restaurant, the silence was such that the clink of the chopsticks against their plates echoed in the room. There was the occasional question asking how had been the other’s day, but no more than that.

While they were watching a movie, sitting on the couch at an arms-length distance Magnus didn’t feel like getting closer to Alec. In other times he would have sought for Alec’s touch just for the sake of it. After the movie was over, they showered (separately) and went directly to bed.

When was the last time they had had sex? Maybe three weeks? For some, it might be a long or short period but for Alec and Magnus it was a lot of time; their relationship was by no means based on sex but it had been an important part of it. They enjoyed intimacy maybe a little more than the sex. Now, it was 10 p.m. and they were in bed, each one on their side.

Alec pecked him on the lips and muttered a _goodnight_ like every night, not even ten minutes later he started to snore.

It was around two in the morning when Magnus came to the conclusion that this numbness wasn’t work, wasn’t stress… it was them.

Definitely, that night hadn’t been what he expected.

So that morning he did it, he asked Alec to divorce.

Magnus was convinced it was for the best, for both of them, he didn’t want to end their marriage with them hating each other. It almost happened once and he knew that if there was something that he couldn’t live with it was Alec’s hate.

Magnus tried to work and forget about his marital problems. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to do so he left work early that day as well. After all, if he and Alec were going to talk, Magnus would need at least a drink or two.

As soon as he got home, he took off his jacket and went straight to the minibar. Magnus returned to the living room, whiskey on the rocks in hand and sat in his blue velvet armchair, making himself comfortable or as comfortable as he could with the tension on his back.

Magnus rehearsed in his mind countless times the words he would say to Alec. He wasn’t sure how much time passed until he heard the sound of keys on the front door, but he had already refilled his glass four times.

Alec entered into the loft with cautious steps as if he were in a minefield, and stood before Magnus, rapid breathing. “I know you want to talk but hear me out first, please.” Alec inhaled deeply. “I know we disagree on a lot of things, that this is not our best time, and that work doesn’t help either, but I love you, Magnus.” He took Magnus’ hands in his. “And I’m not giving up, not before trying everything.”

Magnus’s mouth tasted bitter because he wasn’t _giving up._ “What do you have in mind?” He asked instead, his speech lumped in his throat.

“Let’s try therapy, couples therapy. Please?” Alec almost pleaded.

Magnus stared at Alec, he was looking him in the eye but he looked afraid. Alec who faced murderers, gangsters, and more criminals on a daily basis was afraid of Magnus, or better said, of Magnus’s answer.

He wondered when had this happened; how had this happened. Magnus didn’t have the answer if there was one.

“I know I can make things right again,” added Alec when the minutes passed and Magnus didn’t answer.

And how could Magnus say no? Maybe he could try, for Alec.

 

 


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camille appears that's all you need to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shot out to my incredible beta; [Lillithorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillithorn/works)
> 
> Chapter three will be up Saturday afternoon.  
> Happy reading! (or maybe not because, you know, the angst).

"I am not afraid of an argument. Get emotional. Get angry. Spit language venom.

Be unrelenting and cruel with your words if you feel you have to be.

Because above all else I am terrified of the silence —

of things becoming so bad between us there is no longer anything left worth fighting over."

 

Beau Taplin, The Argument.

As agreed, they went to couple therapy. Neither Magnus nor Alec had ever gone to therapy so they didn’t know what to expect. All their knowledge in the area was from tv shows and movies, and it was hard to tell how accurate those were.

Still, Magnus thought they would go straight to their problems. Instead, the therapist, Lydia; a sympathetic enough and professional woman of impeccable appearance asked them about their childhoods in the first session.

Ugh, not what Magnus was expecting and definitely not something he was thrilled to relive.

He tried to summarize it the best he could; barely mentioning his aggressive father, he told her about his mother’s death due to a disease and then how he had to move from Indonesia to America as a teenager.

This might be therapy but he wasn’t confessing to a stranger his entire life and the darkest parts of his past.

Lydia asked him if he could talk with more details about it.

“That’s all that needs to be known.” he answered and she didn’t insist. Magnus wondered if that was because this was the first session or because he had given her, without knowing, what she was looking for.

Magnus tapped his fingers rhythmically on his knee, watching Lydia take some notes. He wondered if she was actually writing something or just doodling.

Magnus got distracted, watching the room while Alec talked; he knew Alec’s childhood and past as well as Alec himself.

The place was rather minimalist, with white and different shades of blue predominating it. Some psychology of the color shit or the woman’s personal preference? Well, it certainly matched with her perfectly braided, blonde ponytail and her blue steely eyes that gave nothing away.

They wrapped up the session on schedule. After they left, Magnus and Alec walked back to the loft, the night was cool and the therapist office was not that far away. They walked in silence side by side.

Magnus didn’t feel any different than before the session, besides the distant pang of discomfort after talking about his parents and he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel different; towards Alec, towards their relationship and marriage since none of what they had talked about was even new information.

Maybe tomorrow or next week, when they had their second session he would feel different.

The second session was about past relationships. Seriously, these sessions were designed to make him uncomfortable.

Magnus wasn’t ashamed, embarrassed or anything similar about his not so short number of past relationships. Simply, there were names and memories he wasn’t keen on bringing up from where he had buried them.

Alec didn’t talk much; Magnus had been his first formal boyfriend, and their relationship was  _still_ a present. Lydia asked him, though, why he hadn’t been in more relationships.

“I was in the closet until I was eighteen so I didn’t date anyone, I was afraid of someone finding out about it and telling my parents.”

“And then?” She asked, trying to dig deeper into it.

“Then I was too busy: working and in the police academy.”

Alec said little after that, which meant most of the session focused on Magnus.

Magnus wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect of explaining his past love life but he wasn’t the expert. He didn’t mention all his past partners, only the ones that had been more significant for him and his life.

Imasu: handsome and talented. He was an amateur musician that Magnus knew a couple of years after he moved to America. Unfortunately, Imasu asked more from Magnus than he was willing to give.

Then there was Etta, sweet Etta. She loved him, he loved her but they never quite matched so they eventually took different paths. Magnus remembered her with fondness.

Finally, there was Camille. Their relationship was passionate, exciting, chaotic, turbulent and intermittent. Magnus was her favorite toy and he felt honored being it. He met her in his darkest times. Camille was the cure to his pain before becoming the pain itself. Still, Magnus was deeply in love and proposed to her. They were engaged for almost six months, but two months before the wedding, she told him she couldn’t marry him.

Although, he omitted the part about Camille playing games and manipulating him.

She had destroyed him in more than one way, and for a long time Magnus couldn't trust anyone or open his heart, until Alec.

The session concluded, they walked back home again. The silence only served to stress Magnus instead of appeasing him.

“Sorry if that was weird. Especially about Camille,” Magnus blurted out when they were a block away from Lydia’s office.

Alec was aware of his past since the very first date and, once past the beginning of their relationship when he had been worried and insecure about his inexperience, never gave it much importance. However, now things were somehow different between them, and Magnus wanted to be sure that at least this part-Alec’s acceptance-was the same.

“It wasn’t. You say what you think,” said Alec, looking at him and getting his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

Magnus smiled a little. Alec’s comprehension had always been one of his biggest virtues.

Magnus should do that more often. He used to express more of his concerns but with time it became more difficult, communication wasn’t something easy, and Magnus found himself brushing problems off more than once.

 

In the third session Lydia asked them about their relationship; how had they met and started dating. Now, they were getting somewhere.

They met in possibly one of the most mundane of ways. Magnus was going for his morning coffee to his favorite café as usual, like every day but when he was about to enter the place a young man ran into him and spilled his coffee on Magnus’s favorite suit. Alec had been at that time in the Police Academy and was, apparently, running late so he wasn’t able to stop once he saw Magnus. Magnus wouldn’t have made a scene or similar to the person, it had been an accident after all, but when he saw Alec and how handsome he was it helped him to forget his ruined suit. Alec had apologized and insisted on making it up to Magnus.

Magnus had given Alec his business card and left without his coffee, which had been his reason to be there. When Alec texted that night, all that Magnus asked was a coffee as retribution and a date. And one date became two and so on.

“That’s a beautiful story,” said Lydia with a polite smile after they stopped talking. “You mentioned, something about your family-in-law. That they weren’t too happy about your relationship. Could you talk a little more about it?

Magnus fidgeted in his seat.

“Oh, Alec’s siblings were fine with it. In fact, I think they were grateful that their brother had finally found someone. But, let’s say, Mr. and Mrs. Lightwood didn’t think the same, they are… especial.”

“How’s that?” Lydia asked.

Great, Magnus’s favorite topic.

“I’m older than Alec and also I’m an openly bisexual, Asian man who wears makeup and a risk-taking fashionista. They are more conservative.”

Alec gave him an eye roll.

“What he’s trying to say is that my parents are racists, classists, bigots, and homophobes.”

“I was trying to be diplomatic, darling.”

“Now, of all times?” Alec arched an eyebrow.

He was probably referring to the dinner they had had with Maryse about two weeks ago.

It was Maryse’s birthday and since Isabelle was away in her honeymoon and Blondie was in another city, Alec and Magnus decided to spend it with her (more like Alec had decided it for them).

Alec’s relationship with his mother had improved in the last couple of years and Magnus was happy for him, he really was but that didn’t mean he liked her. They were civilized with each other and they could usually go through a dinner without big inconvenience.

_“And then I told her ‘Margaret, it’s not like he can help it. That’s how they are.’”_

Maryse was talking about some friend of her, whose daughter had broken up with his boyfriend because he had cheated on her with a male coworker. Magnus wasn’t particularly paying her attention, his focus on his juicy steak but then those words came out of her mouth and Magnus stopped eating.

_“Mom.” said Alec with a reproving look._

_“Oh no, Maryse it’s right.” Magnus let his cutlery on the table and intertwined his hands over it. “People like us, bisexuals are animals that can’t control their primal instincts.”_

Everything went down, down, down from there.

He was about to make a remark when Lydia spoke. “And you, Alec. What do you think about it?”

“It was pretty much that, and… they mentioned a couple of times the age gap. They thought I was naive and Magnus was manipulating me to be with him or something, but it was just them grabbing on to anything they could.”

“They thought I was perverting their prodigal son.” Magnus’ snarky comment made Alec purse his lips tight again.

“I never was the prodigal son.”

“Are you sure of that?”

Lydia’s alarm started ringing, she turned it off and put his pad on the table located next to her armchair.

“We have run out of time, we will wrap this in the next session.” She said with a polite and stood up to lead them to the door. They followed behind her. “I’ll see you next Tuesday. Goodnight, Alec, Magnus.” Lydia shook their hands and called her next patient.

After the disastrous way in which the session had ended, Magnus considered if bringing up the topic or not. However, he didn’t want it to escalate into a fight and without Lydia moderating for them he knew it was very likely, especially when the topic was Alec’s family. Therefore, they acted like if nothing had happened and it probably was the best decision because the following days were calm or as calm as their lives could be.

It was too soon to say if therapy was working or not. Lately, they talked a little more; when they went to bed they tried to stay awake at least five minutes and converse about something they had done in their day, either paperwork or a client being difficult.

It was a baby step but a step nonetheless.

Magnus’s hopes were starting to rise, maybe it was an exaggeration to say he had lost faith but he had. Perhaps, their marriage wasn’t ruined and they could go back to how they used to be.

Magnus remembered how they used to be with certain homesickness. Alec and Magnus were the kind of couple that you loved or hated. The sappy couple who always was touching each other, holding hands or just sitting close. The kind of couple you would think will live their  _happily ever after._

They had thought it too.

Maybe, therapy would have worked in the end and they would have been able to settle their differences and fix whatever needed to be fixed.

Magnus will never know. The day of their fourth session he received a visitor, an unexpected and (why not say it), unwanted visitor.

There was a knock on his office’s door. Dot let herself in and closed the door behind her, she didn’t come close to Magnus’ desk, though, she stood in front of the door like a guard.

Magus frowned, Dot looked strangely tense. “Something happened?” Magnus asked her.

The woman inhaled deeply and squared her shoulders. “Camille Belcourt wants to speak to you.”

“Tell her I’m busy, for her, I will always be busy.” As he said this the door was opened, forcing Dot to move.

Magnus instinctively tightened his hands on the arms of his chair until the leather rustled under his fingers.

“Where are your manners, dear?” asked Camille with a crimson smile. She had always favored the dramatic entries and departures, being the center of attention, but nothing could ever surpass her last departure.

“Camille.” Magnus murmured and gritted his teeth.

He rose from his chair and circled his desk. “Thank you, Dot. You may live.”

Dot gave him a wary look before nodding and left his office.

“What do you want Camille?”

Magnus straightened and crossed his arms.

“Your assistant told you. I want to talk.” She walked through the office as if she owned it, the clank of her stilettos over the tiles made him unease. “Won’t you ask me if I want to sit?”

“No. I’m busy and you are leaving.”

She turned to him. “Let’s get a coffee. I know you love that place in front of the subway station.”

Magnus stiffened. If there was a place he didn’t want to go with Camille was Hunter’s Café, where he had met Alec. It was their place.

“I can’t Camille.”

“It won’t take much of your time.” Camille touched his arm and squeezed and Magnus suppressed a flinch.

He knew Camille and she wouldn’t give him a breath until he had done what she wanted. Magnus moved away from her touch.

“Okay, but it has to be quick. I really have something to do.” His eyes drifted towards the clock on the wall. Forty minutes until he had to leave to therapy.

“Date night?” She questioned and Magnus wished he was able to read minds just to know if her smile was sincere or not.

“Something like it.”


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec "talk" about that missed session and the reason for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, all the kudos to [Lillithorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillithorn/works) and his incredible patience.  
> Last chapter (of the first part of this series) will be up tomorrow.

"It was great at the very start  
Hands on each other  
Couldn't stand to be far apart  
Closer the better  
Now we're picking fights and slamming doors  
Magnifying all our flaws  
And I wonder why, wonder what for  
Why we keep coming back for more."

Dua Lipa, Scared to Be Lonely.

Camille and Magnus had history, more than that, in fact. Camille had been his fiancée, she had broken their engagement and his heart because she realized she wasn’t ‘made for it’ and that she didn’t love Magnus enough or at all, to tie the rest of their lives.

In the end, they had gone to the café that was next to the enterprise building. “What are you doing here?” Magnus asked her once the waitress left them alone.

Camille smiled, it wasn’t a vicious smile or a mocking smile. She looked bashful and Magnus couldn’t remember if he had ever seen that expression on her face. Camille lifted her left hand in front of her face, and there, in her annular finger, there was a ring. Pink gold and a square-shaped diamond, it was a beautiful piece. “I’m getting married.”

Magnus arched an eyebrow. “Congratulations? I hope the groom doesn’t get ditched this time.”

Camille pressed her lips into a tight line. “At the end, I did us a favor, Magnus. You found Alec and I have Ralf.”

“Camille, why are you here? I doubt it’s just to tell me the good news and it seems even less likely that you are here to ask me to be your maid of honor.”

Camille took Magnus’ hand and he stiffened.

“I’m here to apologize. Oh Magnus, I never understood you nor loved you as much as you loved me and because of it I hurt you a lot of times without meaning it.” Magnus kept silence, believing only half of Camille’s words. She always knew what she was doing, she knew it too well and that’s how she had shattered Magnus’ heart. “Ralf, oh. He has broken my heart so many times, he leaves me without warning and comes back when I least expect it and I can’t do anything but open my arms and receive him. It hurts Magnus, I won’t lie, but when I think of him never coming back again… I can’t bear it, but if we married he’ll always have to come back to me.”

_As if a ring and a paper could guarantee that._

Magnus reflected about Camille’s words. Her situation was kind of ironic, it seemed like the roles had inverted; Camille was Magnus, and the man, Ralf, was Camille.

Magnus wondered if there wasn’t a chance for her to have a healthy relationship instead of these codependent, obsessive relationships she always was in. Either on the giving or receiving end. The part that had loved her expected she could.

When Magnus left the café it was night already. Time had passed in a blink of an eye. He checked his cellphone when he remembered that he had silenced it and saw Alec’s missed calls and texts, asking him if he would make it and where was he.

21:16

He should probably head home.

 

Divorce wasn’t total madness if Alec was being honest with himself. Their relationship had been on the edge since long ago. Both, Alec and Magnus’s jobs were demanding.

They fought more than they actually talked.

They were not always like this, though. They used to talk.

Communication was key in their relationship, as in any other, it didn’t matter how difficult the topic was or how late at night or how early in the morning, they always sorted things out.

 _Relationships take effort_ was their motto.

Their relationship never was a bed of roses, mainly due to Alec’s parents and now due to the common problems of a couple.

Alec crossed one leg over the other. He was sitting in Lydia’s office, waiting for Magnus for their fourth session and he was 15 minutes late.

He had texted and called him but Magnus hadn’t answered. “Maybe he had an emergency meeting, sometimes it happens. I’ll call his office.”

Alec went to a corner of the room and waited until Dot answered the phone.

“Hey, Dot. It’s Alec.”

“Oh, Alec. Hi, how can I help you?”

“Is Magnus in a meeting or something? He isn’t answering my calls or texts.

Alec heard Dot’s heavy breath through the phone. “Camille Belcourt came.”

Alec clenched his jaw the very moment his brain registered the name of that woman.

“I’m telling you this because I’m worried about Magnus, I don’t want you to have problems because of me.”

“It’s okay, Dot. Thanks.” That was all that Alec said before hanging up.

“It is everything alright?” asked Lydia with what seemed genuine concern in her voice.

“Yes, it’s what I thought. Emergency meeting.” Alec explained and tried to smile because if he didn’t he knew his mouth would turn into a  grimace.

Magnus and him would have some words.

Alec didn’t have enough time to think or sit; not even after five minutes he had arrived at the loft, Magnus entered. He looked exhausted and he should be for he had seen Camille but at that moment Alec was too angry to care about Magnus’s mood.

“I waited for you and you didn’t come. Emergency meeting or something else got in your way?” Alec went straight to the point, he already knew but he wanted to hear it from Magnus’s lips.

“Camille came.”

“What did she want?” Asked Alec, leaning on the backrest of the couch.

“Talk.” Said Magnus, hanging his coat on the rack.

Alec scoffed.

Since when had that woman come to just to _talk_? Alec still remembered the first time he had seen Camille Belcourt when she had returned to New York after being abroad for months. Alec had come to see Magnus and when he arrived at the building, he found Magnus petrified with Camille holding his head and smashing his lips with her. It was obvious Magnus did not want that kiss, it had been all Camille’s doing, trying to manipulate and get Magnus between her claws again.

Seemingly, Magnus remembered that time too because he rushed to say. “Nothing happened, though.” And his words far from relieving Alec outraged him. Alec grimaced, his mouth tasted bitter as if he had sucked a lemon.

How many times had he proven to Magnus his trust of him? He had never doubted him or his faithfulness, not even once, not even that first time that Camille appeared and he had reasons to, but with Magnus, it was always like this, he seemed to be waiting for the moment in which Alec would betray him.

“You don’t need to tell me nothing happened. I know nothing happened!”

“Then why are you like this?!” Magnus took a step closer to him. “I know Dot told you about Camille. What were you trying to play at by asking me if something else had ‘gotten in my way’?” Magnus mimicked quotation marks at the last.

They both were raising their voices, and Alec’s logical part of his brain told him that this wasn’t the way to have a conversation. So Alec clenched his jaw and fist trying to contain his anger before speaking again.

“Because every time she appears, she manages to hurt you and you let her.”

“She doesn't have that power over me, I’m not her puppet.”

“Really?” Asked Alec with a shrug and a tilt of his head. “Because today you missed therapy to go and see her.”

That apparently switched something in Magnus because he gave two steps backs as if Alec had hit him. Magnus’s eyes widened for a moment before narrowing back with a hostile tint on them.

“I don’t need a therapist to tell me what is fucking wrong with this relationship. I already know it!”

Alec crossed his arms over his chest, half protecting himself and half wanting to look tough. “Do you? Why don’t you enlighten me, Mags?”

 _Mags_.

Alec knew Magnus hated that nickname and that’s why he used it.

“You missed therapy to go to see her.”

“What are you so mad about? That I missed therapy or that I went to see her?”

“Every time she appears you end up hurting.” Alec repeated, wanting Magnus to understand his point of view.

“I’m used to it. She’s not the only one that’s hurt me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

Yes, Alec knew. “When we started dating and you presented me to siblings, I asked you about your parents and you told me ‘they are no longer in our lives’ so I assumed they were dead.” They were, in a way, to Alec. “And you let me assume it.”

Alec looked down, ashamed of his actions, they had felt right at the time but now Alec realized he had been a fool.

“You never told your parents about our relationship, we had to run into them and that’s how they found out.” Magnus remembered him. “A warning would have been splendid, by the way.”

“You know how my parents are. I was trying to protect you!”

“No! You were trying to protect _you_ because you didn’t have the courage to face them.”

“Camille had just happened, I didn’t want to burden you with my family mess.”

Magnus’ blood boiled inside his body.

“That!” Magnus pointed at him with his index. “That right there is the problem. You are always trying to protect me from _everything._ ” He inhaled deep breaths and poured a whiskey for himself even if just to keep his hands busy. Magnus took a sip of the warm liquid and continued.  “You know what I’ve been through but you don’t understand it, if you did you wouldn’t treat me as if I were made of glass.”

It was humiliating at a certain point, Magnus wanted to be treated by his husband as an equal not a damsel in distress. Magnus was a warrior, and a survivor of an abusive father, an oppressive and racist society, and an emotionally violent relationship, as well as a ton of more things. He may be bruised and scarred but he wasn’t weak, Alexander would do well to remember that.

“You think you can fix it all, get things right, but, guess what Alexander? Your biggest mistake was to think you could fix me, save me. I didn’t need to be saved before and I don’t need to be saved now.”

“That’s not true, that was never my intention. All I ever wanted was to be with you, to be your family. _We_ were supposed to be, _to have_ a family”

How had the topic twisted into that?

They both wanted children, they had talked about it countless times. Form a family, adopt a baby or a child, there were so many children in need of love and a family. Unfortunately, for various reasons, the dream never became a reality. At the beginning of their marriage, they wanted time to spend together, to know and explore their relationship now that they were husbands. By the time the topic came up again, so did new job opportunities, too good to let them pass, and they took them. Alec was promoted from cop to detective and Magnus got a deal that helped him expand his enterprise in Europe. From then on, they didn’t stop. Children were out of the picture at the moment; they required time and that was something neither of them had.

Magnus snapped. “You are a workaholic, there was never time for a family!”

There was the period in which Alec was trying to get his promotion. Then soon after he got it, he started taking as many unsolved cases as possible and slept just one or two hours. He still worked more than required, trying to solve the world’s problems by himself.

“No. If we didn’t have children it wasn’t because of _my_ job, you are the one who is scarcely here, who is always traveling or in meetings.”

Magnus shook his head, this whole situation was unbelievable.

“You were too immature, how were you going to raise a child?”

Magnus knew he had crossed a line, Alec could be a lot of things but immature wasn’t one of them. He had been through a lot in his life: his parents had practically kicked him out of home when he was eighteen because they didn’t agree with his ‘life choices’ and pretty much prohibited him from seeing his siblings, especially the younger of them, Max, since his parents didn’t want Alec to _pervert_ him.

“You are right, I was too young and immature to make big decisions.” Muttered Alec, his hot anger shifted into something cold, and Magnus saw in front of him an Alec he hadn’t seen for more than ten years, at least not towards him. The stoic Alec Lightwood, reluctant to show his emotions. “Maybe marrying my first boyfriend was a mistake.”

Magnus knew where to hit, the right word to cause the most pain, he knew that when he got mad he could be petty and snarky and it looked like Alec had learned it from him because _that_ right there stung to Magnus’s core.  
They loved each other, Magnus had no doubt of it but they couldn’t be in the same room without fighting anymore.  
There wasn’t anymore playful bickering, it always ended in snarky comments or indirects that stung too much.

 _Better with him than without him._ No, Magnus had been in a relationship like that once and he barely recovered from it.

Magnus liked a lot of things but masochism wasn’t one of them.

That night Alec didn't return to their room and Magnus didn’t look for him. A little voice in his mind told him that this time it was definitive.

Magnus wondered if children would have changed things or would they have been part of the collateral damages of their marriage.

Maybe they were doomed since the beginning.

 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to an old friend and something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my beta, Lillithorn for her hard work and her patience.  
> This Bang Bang was one of the most lovely experiences, mainly because I had the chance to know wonderful lemons in the way.  
> There will be more events in the future, stay tuned in Tumblr if you want to participate.  
> Thank you for reading!!  
> (Yell at me in a comment, if needed, at the end of the chapter).

 

"I know that I get lost sometimes

but I always used to find my way back to you."

 

Trista Mateer.

 

 

Alec had already left for work when Magnus came out of the room that morning. He bit the interior of his cheek and stood there in the living room, his gaze piercing the cushion and blanket thrown on the couch. Alec didn't even enter the room last night to change his clothes. Something twisted in Magnus’s stomach, Alec must have been pretty upset if he preferred to sleep uncomfortably than face him.

Magnus ignored the sourness creeping from his stomach to his throat and looked at his watch. He hadn't time to dwell on this, traffic was horrible at this time of the morning with people going to work and taking kids to school. That thought brought back to Magnus’ mind his fight with Alec from the previous night and that reminded him of the other thing. Magnus pressed the contact number he wanted to call. He didn’t have to wait long while it rang.

"Hello, dear friend. Why are you calling me at this horrific time?" Ragnor answered, his voice distant, he probably had left the phone on the pillow, too lazy to even hold it. "Are you in trouble? Is Mr. Rey trying to take your investors away again?"

"No. I need to see you today. It's about what I told you last time."

Magnus heard a rustle on the phone and when Ragnor spoke again his voice sounded much clearer.

"At what time?" asked his friend with a serious voice.

"I have a meeting. Depending on that Dot will confirm the time with you."

"Magnus... are you sure about this?" murmured Ragnor in a wary tone.

Magnus steeled himself and used his best business voice.

"I'll text you, Ragnor," was all Magnus said before hanging up and entering the elevator.

It was no use to think about it further. Magnus had made a decision and Magnus Bane did not reverse course.

The meeting went smoothly, at least there was one thing in his life going well. Magnus made some phone calls and checked the weekly report Elias had handed him that morning and at exactly two o’clock he was at Ragnor’s office door.

“Hello, friend.” Ragnor greeted him  with a short hug. “Take a seat, please. Fancy a drink?”

Magnus entered Ragnor’s office, which felt less like an office and more like a friend’s home. He had spent many hours in here with Ragnor talking about his dreams of becoming a great businessman when they were just that, dreams.

“I thought you would never ask.” Magnus said and sat in one of the three available chairs.

Ragnor returned a couple of minutes later with a tray and two cups of tea on it. Magnus frowned and glared at him. “When you said a drink I imagined something a little bit… stronger.” Magnus looked at the cups of tea as if they had personally offended him but took one anyway.

He should have expected it, though. Ragnor had known him since he arrived in America. Ragnor had also just moved from London and even though he was older than Magnus by six years they became close really quick. Ragnor was probably the only thing that prevented him from going crazy, as he was the one that stayed with Magnus when he was at his worst: when his father beat him up because he felt like it; when Camille left him for the first time; when Camille left him for second time; and when Camille left him for good.

“Let’s not get there so soon, besides I don’t drink alcohol when I’m working and since this isn't a social call…” Ragnor did a gesture with his hand in Magnus’ direction, inviting him to speak, and sat in the chair in front of him.

Better to be brief and concise. “Alec and I are divorcing, I want you to take care of it.”

Ragnor sipped his tea and waited a moment before speaking.

“Magnus, you know I don’t practice family law.”

“Why didn’t you mention that last time?

“Because I never thought you were being serious. Marriages have difficult times, even yours, and I have never seen anyone so in love like you two, it was like a fairy tale.”

But fairy tales don’t show you what happens after they get married.

“What happened this time? You have had difficulties before but always found a way. Wait… did he che—”

“No, no, no. He would never.” Magnus automatically stopped Ragnor from saying those words, unfaithfulness was one thing he would never associate with Alec’s name. “I love him and he loves me but that’s all we share now, and we haven’t been together in weeks.

“And you were always really physical. Touching each other all the time.”

“Yes and I miss it. My body wants it but I can’t bring myself to do it, like there is something that’s impeding me from getting closer, to have sex with my husband. I don’t know what it is but it’s not physical. I just… don’t know.”

There were more concerns in Magnus’ mind but he didn’t feel like talking about them, not with a, now cold, tea in his system.

Ragnor sighed, too high to be natural, as if he was genuinely tired of this. Well, if Ragnor was tired then Magnus was exhausted, knackered.

“Why are you doing this Magnus? Neither of you want it, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise.”

Magnus didn’t answer, he didn’t know what to say, how to explain it. It was something that had to be done. He was tired of fighting. he was tired of trying. All he wanted was some peace of mind and to not be on edge every single moment of his life. Magnus was even more tired of the silence, of the uncertainty; would today be the day in which Alec would decide that his parents were right about Magnus and leave him, or tomorrow? Would he stay with Magnus, afraid of hurting him like Camille had even when he was unhappy? That was something Alec would do, sacrifice his own happiness for his loved ones but in this case, he wouldn’t be sacrificing it because Magnus was just as unhappy as Alec was.

“Alright, if you are really doing this.” Ragnor walked back to his desk, took a post-it and a pen. “Do it fast and clean,” he said while he scribbled on the paper and handed it to him. “Tessa Gray is a friend of mine, I’ll tell her about your case. She is the best in her field. Contact her.”

Magnus tucked the paper in a pocket of his trousers and stood up, aiming for the bottle of cognac Ragnor saved in one of the drawers of his old cedar desk and a glass.

“Since you turned out to be of no help, this is no longer a business visit, hence I would really appreciate a stronger drink.”

Ragnor grabbed him by the elbow when he passed him to sit back in his chair.

“And, dear friend. For your sake, I hope you are making the right decision.”

It was a week after their fight when Alec got home from work and found it. He sensed more than knew what it was. He walked into the dining room, each step he took echoing through the room.

Alec looked warily at the manila envelope, it was the only item on the dining table beside the cup of coffee Magnus always left in the mornings. It stood out since in all the years they had been living together the only thing over that table had been Magnus’s cup. They used to eat on the kitchen island or on the couch, but the dining room was reserved usually for Thanksgiving, Christmas or another special occasion.

A shiver ran through Alec’s spine when his fingers made contact with the cold material of the envelope, he held it in both hands but didn’t dare to touch the red thread until he was sitting in one of the cushioned chairs of the dining room. He uncoiled the thread with more delicacy than necessary. Alec took a deep breath and slid out the papers.

Each inch he slid out the paper felt like an additional pound in his hand, and when he finally read the words of _Petition for Divorce_ the weight proved too great and he dropped the packet.

Sitting at that table alone when he had always sat with Magnus next to him felt wrong, but it was just one more thing that felt wrong in his life.

“What is this Magnus?” blurted out Alec as soon as Magnus crossed the threshold that night.

He dropped the envelope over the crystal topped coffee table with a loud thud. It was one of the things he did when he interrogated suspects. It was strange doing it in his home but he supposed this was an interrogation, to some extent, after all.

“Oh…” Magnus froze visibly in his place, this was starting to become a habit. “I was going to mail them to the precinct but seems like you found them.”

Alec stood up and stopped in front of Magnus. This was unbelievable; Magnus was unbelievable.

Alec squinted one eye and tilted his head.

“Excuse me? Of course, I found them!” Alec needed to calm down, to lower his voice but he couldn’t, he couldn’t be the collected and diplomatic detective Lightwood, not like Magnus could so easily turn into President Bane. Not now, not about this. They were talking about divorce, about a _definitive_ separation. He gestured towards the dining room with both hands.  “The envelope was on the table.”

“Well, I didn’t think you were going to open something that wasn’t yours.” answered Magnus, taking a defensive posture with his arms crossed over his chest and chin raised. Magnus was being petty and Alec was done with petty.

“But it _is_ mine!” Alec started to pace around the loft. _Don’t snap. Ask first, accuse later_. “And when did you start this… why did you start this?”

Alec looked Magnus in the eye as he asked his questions., It was so hard to read him these days. Perhaps it wasn’t hard and Alec had just forgotten it, like losing mastery in a foreign language if you don’t practice it enough. In this case, Magnus was the foreign language and Alec had no idea of how to translate him.

“Because we are getting divorced.”

Alec’s eyes widened.

“What are you talking about?! _We_ haven’t decided anything yet!”

Magnus sighed and passed him by on his way to the kitchen. Magnus opened the fridge and took two slices of the pizza he had ordered the night before. He put it in the microwave and then leaned on the kitchen island, facing Alec.

“We don’t even sleep in the same bedroom anymore. It seems pretty much settled to me.”

“I was giving you space! Time to think. I don’t want to get divorced. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

“I’ve made my decision and I won’t change my mind.”

Alec wanted to take Magnus by the shoulders and shake him until some reason entered that stubborn head.

“No, Magnus. You don’t get to make this decision for both of us. I’m not divorcing you.”

“And you don’t get to make this decision for _me._ ” Magnus was angry with that kind of cold anger that both, burns and freezes your skin. His lips were pursed tight in a line, his jaw clenched, and the veins of his neck and temples were prominent. It was an expression Alec was familiar with by now. His dismissive tone, when he spoke again, was the scariest part. “So if you have a problem with this, fine, we’ll take it to court.”

Alec had to literally take two steps back. _Take it to court?_  Alec shook his head, he surely had misheard him.

“We can do this like two civilized adults or we can turn it into a _Judge Judy_ episode, it’s up to you.”

Alec blinked multiple times but no, this wasn’t a nightmare, no matter how much it felt like one.

“Are you being serious, Magnus?” Alec couldn’t find a breach, a crack in Magnus’ resolve. “You know what? Screw it, screw this, screw all of this.”

He didn’t get to see Magnus’s shocked expression, because he was already walking down the streets of New York with nothing in mind besides how fucked up was his life.

Alec didn’t come home that night.

Magnus wasn’t sure if he had come back the next night since he went to Ragnor’s to ‘catch up’, too afraid of not finding Alec or any of his things. He could still feel the vibrations of the doorframe through his body after Alec slammed the door on his way out.

The picture of Alec leaving was finally a reality. He ignored the pang in his chest and Ragnor’s judging gaze.

Magnus should start getting used to being in an empty home, to sleeping in a bed too big for one person. Overall, he should get used to a life without Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end, don't worry. The second part will come soon.


End file.
